Dr. Seth Meyers, Clinical Psychologist

Dr. Seth Meyers, Clinical Psychologist

Friday, December 13, 2013

RELATIONSHIPS: Treat Dating Like An Informational Interview


Hands down, the most effective way to conceptualize dating is to view it as informational interviewing. Don’t confuse this with testing your date and resorting to psychological manipulations to figure out who he or she really is.

The important point about dating as informational interviewing is that it keeps the focus on you. So, what are you looking for in a partner? Is this the right person for you? Is this going to be a good match in the long run?

Too often dating triggers insecurities, causing men and women to fall into the position of wanting to be wanted or liked. The reality is, who cares? If so-and-so isn’t into you, why does it matter? It’s only going to work out if the two of you both like each other, so…next!

Dating as informational interviewing acknowledges that you can’t presume anything about a person. You need to get to know a person to figure out who he or she is. Dating in this manner allows you to ask questions that are important to you, but you must take careful notice of the answers. Feel a red flag lurking in the distance? Don’t overlook it just because you’re sexually attracted! Lust could be your Achilles heel.

The second point is that dating as informational interviewing is necessary but not sufficient for you to get a true sense of the person you’re dating. The other half of the equation comes down to their behavior. Does their walk match their talk? If he says he’s organized and sensitive, does he arrive on time and listen to you talk about your day? If she says she’s ambitious, that’s great, but is she actively working toward some sort of career goal?

Finally, relax and allow your date to interview you, too. When you answer, tell the truth about your life and who you are. Though you may tempted to fudge a bit in the truth department in the beginning, your date is going to start to see the real you sooner or later. And that’s a good thing, right?

P.S. Check out my book, Dr. Seth's Love Prescription: Overcome Relationship Repetition Syndrome, about how to stop repeating the same nasty patterns in your romantic relationships!

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