Dr. Seth Meyers, Clinical Psychologist

Dr. Seth Meyers, Clinical Psychologist

Monday, August 15, 2016

RELATIONSHIPS: How to Feel Less Lonely When You're Single - 5 Tips

There's no doubt that being single can be a little lonely sometimes, especially if all or most of your good friends are in a relationship. While being a little lonely is inevitable, you don't have to feel really, really lonely. There are many things you can do to make sure that you protect yourself emotionally from the blues, so take a look at the suggestions below and see if any of them might be worth a try for you.

Scheduling group friend nights.

Sure, your friends may be in a relationship, but that doesn't mean that you can never see them again without their significant other on their arm. The reality is that you have to work harder to create your fun when you're single, and one of the best ways to do that is to schedule an activity night with your friends. While you may want to do a night out with your peeps at a restaurant or bar, your coupled friends may be less interested in that because they are in a relationship and would prefer to do that kind of thing with their significant other. But there are lots of possibilities for a group friends night that will appeal to everyone: a theme dinner party; a cooking/baking party; game night; or movie night. The best way to avoid feeling lonely is to surround yourself with people you care about and who care about you.

Schedule regular calls with friends or family members who live far away.

Scheduling phone "dates" with friends or family is almost necessary these days when everyone is short on time. Schedule phone dates with different people and put the dates in the calendar. You can make it even more fun by having a solo pajama party for the date with some of your favorite snacks, a glass of wine, or slipping into your favorite pair of old-school pajamas.

Join an organization to meet new people.

Of course, the real goal in joining a group should be to benefit from the actual activity itself, but a secondary benefit from joining any new group is that you will meet new people. Though it may not sound fun to put yourself out there, just try it once or twice and see if it sticks. Meeting new people is a great way to remind yourself that your life is fresh and things are always changing.

Practice a mind-absorbing hobby.

Immediately, knitting comes to mind, a hobby that is quite the rage among hipsters and older adults. If you practice any hobby, terrific. But knitting and many other hobbies don’t actually suck up serious mental energy from your mind. If you play a game of chess or reorganize an entire closet, you have to really focus. Focusing on a task is an extremely effective activity when you’re feeling lonely or stressed because the act of focusing requires total attention. In other words, you can’t think about your loneliness because you’re focusing on a hobby or task. Simply put, you want to distract yourself from thinking about the stuff that makes you feel bad. Plus, when you finish a hobby, you have the added bonus of feeling proud of yourself for what you completed. Pour yourself into a yard or house task, or a mind-absorbing hobby and you will feel so much less lonely when you’re done!

A simple proverb can be your best friend in the world.


No feeling is permanent, whether blissful or downright miserable. Feelings are fleeting, so remember this proverb: This too shall pass. As unpleasant as it is to have to sit with lonely feelings and try to go about your daily life, at least make an effort to learn a lesson from your loneliness so that you don’t feel like this time is lost or wasted. What does your loneliness indicate? It doesn’t just indicate that you’re lonely and want to find a partner. Go deeper. Your loneliness is telling you that you have a major unmet need in your life. Think about your other relationships with family, coworkers and friends, and ask yourself how connected you feel to any of them? Sometimes loneliness is delivered to shine a light on something we haven’t noticed before.

Tuesday, June 28, 2016

DR. SETH INTERVIEWED: Men's Fitness


I was recently interviewed for an article about how men can tell early in dating if a woman will be clingy or selfish. I am a guy - but still a feminist - and firmly believe that men and women are more similar than different, so I believe that the signs the article talks about could apply to clingy or selfish men, as well. Check out the article and see what you think!

Men's Fitness article can be read here: http://www.mensfitness.com/women/sex-tips/5-warning-signs-youll-regret-having-sex-her.


Monday, May 30, 2016

POP CULTURE: Did Prince Suffer from "VIP Syndrome?"


An interesting article suggests that Prince, like fellow pop star Michael Jackson, suffered from something called "VIP Syndrome" in which therapists and physicians treat famous patients differently because of their status. According to this theory, professionals will forgo regulations and protocols that are normally followed with everyday patients (of course, to the ultimate detriment of the patient). The term "VIP Syndrome" isn't a clinical term included in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders -5, but the idea behind it is worth considering.

Article here: http://cnn.it/1XYFNt5.


Sunday, May 15, 2016

DR. SETH INTERVIEWED: VANITY FAIR


I was interviewed for this story in Vanity Fair about how the Trump children appear pretty normal considering the famous and wealthy life they were born into. While so many children of wealthy, famous parents fall victim to well-publicized problems, the children of Donald Trump have avoided that trap. While the media exclusively describes these children as "Donald Trump's children," as a feminist, I want to point out that they are actually the children of Donald and Ivana Trump. If these offspring truly are stable and decent people, perhaps the mother Ivana deserves a little credit? But my point in the interview is that I believe Donald raised his children like tiny employees who would one day go on to represent him and his empire. (And then there's narcissism.)

Check out the full article here: http://www.vanityfair.com/news/2016/05/donald-trump-kids-normal.

Monday, May 2, 2016

DR. SETH ON TV: Nancy Grace


I will be on Nancy Grace tonight discussing some intriguing cases, including a murder-for-hire story you won't forget. Tune in if you have the time.

RELATIONSHIPS: How to Spot a Fake Person


One of the most confusing and frustrating traits in another person is fakeness. Part of what makes dealing with fake people so difficult is that it sometimes takes a little while to discover who someone really is. Because fake people excel at pretending, it makes sizing him or her up even more confusing. You can look for the signs of fakeness, but it often takes knowing someone for several months at least to see them in action and see just how fake they really are.

If you're like most people, you are fairly straightforward and you don't have a secret agenda. Fake people, however, usually have one clear agenda: to be liked by everyone and to be seen as the favorite, whether among a group of friends or at work. Someone who is very fake will: say negative things about one person but then act like their friend the next minute; agree to hang out socially but later come up with excuses about why they can't; and cast themselves in the best possible light in every situation. Fake men and women are extremely image conscious, and their goal is to look like they are all things to all people at all times! 

Fake people are usually anxious, insecure, competitive and jealous. Fake men and women are extremely aware of social hierarchies, so they are always ranking who is more attractive, smarter, or better liked. Very few people know who these people are deep down, and the few who do are usually a spouse or immediate family members. Fake men and women get threatened very easily, and they are usually total control freaks. After all, think how hard they have to work to keep up that fake front.

Fake people try to appear as if they’re always happy.

The main sign of a fake person is someone who never shows that they feel upset or angry. Fake people hate real emotions because real emotions get in the way of the one dimensional facade they work so hard to project. Deep down, these people are more insecure than you would ever believe, and they learned somewhere along the way that they will be most liked and appreciated if they act compliant and happy. I’ve heard it said that fake people have zero emotions, but this is not actually true. Fake people have emotions like anyone else, but they are control freaks and fear that showing their real feelings would make them vulnerable. They fear that that things could spiral out of control if they were to start acknowledging how they really think and what they really feel.

Fake people constantly contradict themselves without even knowing it.

I find fake people so confusing. In one moment, Mr. Fake will say how much he loves to volunteer, and then a few weeks later you could hear the same person say that he hasn’t volunteered in years. Another fake person may say they love sports to one person, even though you know perfectly well that he or she hasn’t hit the gym or played a sport in ages, let alone watched any on TV. The point is that these individuals say something because they want to project that image even though they make no attempt to hear themselves or to match their words with their behavior. With fake people, it's like you need to carry a clipboard around with you and keep track of what they say so that you can make sense of the constant contradictions. 

Dating or being friends with someone fake is a t-e-r-r-i-b-l-e idea.


In short, fake people are immature to the point that you can't have a deep and consistent friendship or romantic relationship with them. Someone fake is most interested in being liked and adored by everyone, so they will never be too committed to you. Someone fake needs to be loved and paid attention to by everyone, not just one person. Fake men and women frequently lead others on to believe that they are romantically interested, and it usually takes weeks or months of broken plans or false promises before you get the hint. The key to avoiding fake individuals is to look for someone with a proverbial backbone, meaning someone who will take a stand on what he or she truly believes. You don’t want someone who acts adoring to everyone because some people are not so nice and don’t deserve it. The goal is to find someone who has moral principles they live by, and real principles are solid and constant. With fake people, the only real law they live by is to be liked by as many people as possible and to fool others for as long as they can. Taking your time in getting to know someone and not rushing things is the best strategy to avoid falling in love with someone who is fake and disingenuous. Proceed with caution, ladies and gentlemen!