Dr. Seth Meyers, Clinical Psychologist

Dr. Seth Meyers, Clinical Psychologist

Saturday, November 26, 2011

Dating: 5 Simple Tips

For most men and women, dating isn't exactly fun or stress-free. The dating process can get complicated because it’s easy to get trapped by your own insecurities or to cross paths with an unkind or rude date who spares no punches in making you feel less-than. These simple tips will help make dating easier and keep you feeling comfortable so that you protect your own ego en route to finding the partner who’s a good match for you!

Tip 1

Keep realistic expectations. Don’t approach a date with the mindset that you will meet “The One.” This is magical thinking. Your date could possible turn into that terrific partner but it will take time to get to that realization. Again, be realistic!

Tip 2

Plan dates around activities that you like to do. Feel free to suggest activities and environments that suit you – the worst that could happen is that your dates says “no.” The bottom line is that you can be most yourself when you feel comfortable and at ease. If you’re an outdoors person, go for a walk in a park or walk around an outdoor mall. If you like quite or intimate places, check out a restaurant that serves the type of cuisine you like. Being yourself = engaging in activities that reflect your interests.

Tip 3

Don’t schedule the usual dinner and a movie. The reality is that you might not want to hang out with your date for four hours if there’s little or no click between the two of you. Suggest an activity that takes about an hour, and give yourself permission to call it an early night if you’re not feeling the connection. Don’t fall into the guilt trap – nobody ever qualified in a textbook how long a date should take! You are a co-writer of the rules.

Tip 4

Don’t go out of your comfort zone in the early stages of dating. You don’t have to meet your date’s family or his or her huge group of friends if you’d rather get to know your date first. Nobody wants to be judged and surveyed, and meeting groups of people all at once is the surest way to invite this kind of uncomfortable attention.

Tip 5

Never agree to plans that you don’t think you’ll follow up on after the date is over. If your date really likes you, he or she may try to set something up for next time: “Let’s go there next time – you want to?” Let yourself feel free to say “maybe” but don’t fall into saying “yes, sure” when you don’t mean it. Finally, at the end of the date, don’t feel that you have to say “I’ll call you tomorrow or next week.” In such cases, it’s more honest to say “Nice to meet you and have a good night.”

Remember that dating is risky business and that it can be unpleasant, but keeping these simple tips in mind will make the journey a little smoother!

P.S. Check out my book DR. SETH'S LOVE PRESCRIPTION for more romantic advice!

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