Dr. Seth Meyers, Clinical Psychologist

Dr. Seth Meyers, Clinical Psychologist

Monday, August 22, 2011

When Gorgeous Guys Date Unattractive Girls

Before we get into this, I must confess: This issue drives me full-on bonkers, the kind of bonkers that has me pulling my hair out and stubbing my toe at the very same time. I'm talking about hearing-Katy-Perry-for-the millionth-time bonkers. (Sorry, Katy, but your music does push me over the edge).

Okay, back to the good stuff. I'm talking about the so-called phenomenon of a beautiful man dating or even marrying a so-called unattractive woman. I'm sure some examples come to mind, perhaps some famous or some in your very own neighborhood. In a nutshell, I can assure you that most people don't spend a lot of time - or even notice enough to remember and talk about it later -thinking about how and why such appearance discrepancies exist. And simply put, they shouldn't.

I deal with this issue with clients in my psychotherapy practice and in getting mail from readers of my book or blog. When someone comments on how it doesn't make sense why a gorgeous guy would be with an ugly girl, it tells me that this person places far too much importance on physical appearance. In other words, because the guy is attractive, he is seen as more valuable; the girl, meanwhile, is seen as less than because she is not attractive.

When I see couples together and note that one is markedly more attractive than the other, I imagine that the less attractive partner is probably pretty damn cool and interesting. Ever spoken to someone beautiful, by the way, who doesn't seem to have much going on upstairs? Great, you see my point.

I spend most of my time counseling clients and writing about relationship issues, and the bulk of it is spent trying to help people see that the characteristics they should be focusing on romantically are the internal ones - not the external. I'm talking about how committed, honest, and kind someone is. As long as you're focused on this, you'll be just fine.

Bottom Line: The next time you see a gorgeous guy with a girl you believe isn't his equal in the appearance department, remember that everyone's taste is different and that what matters the most is finding someone who is genuinely interesting and kind! And trust me, with each passing year, looks will matter less and less to you.

PLUS: Dr. Seth’s new book, Dr. Seth’s Love Prescription: Find the Love You Deserve, is about how to stop repeating bad patterns in your relationships. Dr. Seth shows you how to stop repeating these patterns: falling for people who are emotionally unavailable, unfaithful,or wounded souls who have tons of potential but are emotionally broken in some way. With an introduction by a # 1 New York Times Bestselling author, Dr. Seth's Love Prescription is available in bookstores or at Amazon.com.

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