Dr. Seth Meyers, Clinical Psychologist

Dr. Seth Meyers, Clinical Psychologist

Wednesday, March 23, 2011

Dating: How to Annoy a Man

Earlier this week, I talked about the little things that annoy women in the crazy circus of dating – and it sure can be a circus. But what about what annoys the guys? I can assure you that there are few behaviors that undoubtedly annoy men in the early stages of dating. So, be mindful when you’re dating to not push the buttons that will send him off like a Fed-Ex package never to be seen again!

There are a few questions women often ask in the early stages of dating that leave a bad taste in the mouths of men, a taste that’s like putting spinach, vinegar, and the tiny rocks found on a long, winding dirt road together and gingerly placing them on the tongue to savor. Got the picture now?

One of these questions involves asking questions about what he does for a living, but not for the sake of getting to know him better, but to…you guessed it…find out how much money he makes. Watch out for this one, because men often interpret this question as your attempt to figure out a) how much he’s willing to pay for, and b) how comfortable he is being the financial provider in the relationship. I always tell my clients that they must walk into a relationship with the expectation that they will be an equal financial provider, though this may change, of course, over time.

Another question that often annoys men on dates involves broaching the subjects of having children. Come on, this really shouldn’t be discussed until you know the guy well enough that you have the feeling that you might be interested in one day having children with him! Bringing up this subject too early means that you may as well introduce yourself in the following way: “Hi, I’m Sally, and you look like one hell of a sperm donor. Maybe later you could meet my eggs?” Early in dating, don’t ask questions about marriage and children – it’s just too much, and it backfires like an old car abandoned on someone’s broken-down lawn.

The other behavior that I need to highlight in discussing what annoys men in dating involves women looking to guys to make them feel pretty. Hey, there’s nothing wrong with wanting to feel like a sexpot: everybody secretly wants to be swathed in compliments. But my male clients often report that they feel like the women they date are often fishing for compliments or, worse, need constant validation that they look okay or aren’t too fat. This kind of behavior puts men off because men, just like women, are basically looking for the same thing: a confident, strong person who is already happy on their own!

The next time you’re out on a date, think about how you are coming across, and remember to focus on making a friend first, rather than interviewing a candidate for a relationship. And, if you truly must conduct an interview, please remember to do it subtly and to avoid the common missteps I mention above!

PLUS: In Dr. Seth's new book, Dr. Seth's Love Prescription (available at Amazon.com or in stores at Borders and Barnes and Noble), he shows you how to stop repeating bad patterns in your romantic relationships. If you or someone you know keeps going for the wrong types of people and seems stuck on this awful hamster wheel, pick up a copy of Dr. Seth's Love Prescription today.

1 comment:

Sushil Kumar Kushwaha said...

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