Dr. Seth Meyers, Clinical Psychologist

Dr. Seth Meyers, Clinical Psychologist

Sunday, November 14, 2010

Alone Time Is Good for a Relationship

This may sound counterintuitive, but the truth is that alone time is good for romantic relationships. Far too often, if one's boyfriend or girlfriend, or husband or wife says that they need a little alone time, the other partner ends up taking it personally. This can often lead to questioning the relationship, self-doubt, and a host of other masochistic thoughts and feelings. The reality is that sometimes alone time...is just alone time - it doesn't have to mean anything more than that.

Each partner in a relationship engaging in some activities alone, including have friends or activities independent of each other, is a way to make sure that you're not losing yourself in the relationship. By spending some time alone and doing the things that you want to do, you feed your own passions and interests, and you will often feel more excited to reconnect with your partner at the end of the day.

Everyone needs to understand that taking a little alone time shouldn't be taken personally or used as a barometer to tell how happy the person taking alone time is in the relationship. At the end of the day, taking some alone time is a great way for a person to recharge his or batteries. If you are in a relationship, make sure that you and your partner are spending some time alone, so that you remain a happy, independent half of the couple. Two independent people in a relationship equal dependence on each other that is healthy but not stifling.

PLUS: Dr. Seth's new book, Dr. Seth's Love Prescription, is about repeating bad patterns in your relationships. Pre-order today at Amazon.com or find it in bookstores December 18!


BK said...

Alone time... I wish I had read this a couple months ago. My girlfriend and I have just broken up as a result of unhappiness on her part. She cited, losing herself in the relationship and not having time to herself as major causes of her unhappiness. This short posting has pretty much summed up her reasoning behind the break up. What do I do now? She has made it clear that we are not together, I understand that. She has also made it clear that she doesn't know how much time she needs nor what is going to come from this. Also a given. What do I do? I want us to work out, I really do. Prior to the breakup we never had a real conversation regarding this. She said there were things she said and did that I should have picked up on but I never did obviously. I want to do whatever I have to in order to support her through this. But I understand that this is likely something she needs to do on her own. What can I do, and more importantly, what should I avoid doing so as to not make the matter worse than it is?

Dr. Seth said...

It's important to focus on what you need and spend time engaging in activities that will make you feel good and healthy - that's the best thing you can do!