Thursday, June 10, 2010
GUEST BLOGGER: Amanda Kane, LSW
When is it appropriate to plan a weekend away with a new lover?
This is an excellent question from a blog reader. Of course there are no hard and fast rules about this, but taking a vacation with a new someone special does change the relationship dynamic.
Before you plan a trip, it is important to consider the ramifications.
It is easier for daters to put their best foot forward in the typical dinner and a movie situation. Dates are often rather brief and almost ritualistic, which makes them somewhat predictable. Vacations, although frequently pre-planned, involve more spontaneity and some degree of stress, since participants are forced out of their comfortable routines. Getting to the airport, packing the car, securing accommodations; these situations can reveal information about your new romantic interest that you might normally discover on a date. Some of that information may be good and some may be less-than-stellar. Is the person flexible? Can they roll with the unexpected? (vacations always have some degree of the unexpected)
Go into your trip with the understanding that it will change your relationship--maybe a little or maybe a lot. It will allow you to get to know your friend on another level. You will find out how they handle it when your room isn’t ready at check-in or when you win $1,000 playing slots. You may see them in the morning without makeup or before a shave. There may be expectations of physical intimacy. If you are feeling a little anxious about any aspect of a vacation with a new love, it is a good idea to discuss your concerns with them before the trip. I think being prepared guarantees a better time for everyone.