Do You Know What Dissociation Means? A Complex Psychological Process

There are many different terms that get used in everyday culture and "dissociation" is one of them. Do you know the difference?

There is an important distinction and it has to do with one word: "reality." Check out my new video where I explain the difference!

You can watch my video here on my YouTube channel with hundreds of self-help videos.

Be Careful How You Judge: 6 Common Ways People Judge Others in Dating

Written by Seth Meyers, Psy.D.

Watch some of my videos on helpful self-improvement videos on a whole range of topics, check out my channel on YouTube with hundreds of videos, Dr. Seth: Psychologist.

The social stigmas and prejudices at work in our larger culture also color the social interactions we have while dating. If a prejudice exists in society, you can be sure that it will show up in dating interactions. In my clinical work I find a common set of prejudices that can appear in every stage of dating process—date selection, the first date, and in a relationship. 

In date selection, prejudices first manifest in the scanning and screening that occurs when you consider whether you want to date a particular person. Whether you are scrolling through online profiles, swiping images, or scanning a room full of people at an event, you may be rejecting prospective dates based on biases.

Have you ever felt that someone was prejudiced against you on the first date? Have your preconceived notions about someone influenced your feelings about a first date? When a person shows up for a first date, he or she may have expectations about what they want their date to be like, including some prejudices.

Many relationships—short and long-term—end because of prejudice. Perhaps you thought you could look past a certain issue, but realized later that it's more of a concern than you imagined. On the other hand, sometimes it’s the prejudices other people have regarding our partner that cause a relationship to end. You may have parents, siblings, or friends who will never accept a partner because of a certain prejudice, and your relationship may ultimately end because the conflict becomes too uncomfortable to manage over time.

The Top 6 Prejudices in Dating

Ask yourself which, if any, you are susceptible to, as well as the painful question of which of these others may hold against you. (The issues are listed in no particular order.)

1. Bad teeth. 

I can't count the number of men and women who have told me over the years that the Number One thing that turns them off is bad teeth! This prejudice is so common in part because one's teeth are visible as soon as one opens his or her mouth. While it’s understandable that bad teeth may not be something you are looking for in a partner, isn’t it too extreme to cast someone aside for this reason? (Especially when you consider the fact that teeth can typically be fixed.) Are you sure you’re not being unfair or too quick to shun a subset of people?

2. Earnings. 

Prejudice about money almost always has to do with not having enough of it, as opposed to having too much. (Many people believe having great wealth would be terrific, but have no idea how many problems and insecurities arise once someone actually has a lot of money.) Being prejudiced against someone because they have a menial job or don’t make much money is extremely common. Both men and women are guilty of it, and no financial prejudice compares to the stigma of not having a job at all. If you meet someone who is out of work at the moment, remember that this individual could potentially find a job—by the time you have a second date. Your goal should be to find someone who can hold a consistent job, not to find someone who brings in an arbitrary revenue that you believe is "enough."

3. Height.

If you don’t believe that there is massive prejudice in the dating world when it comes to height, just ask a very short man or a very tall woman. These kinds of prejudices are frustrating because, by indulging them, we keep them alive for future generations. If you wouldn’t date a short man or a very tall woman, ask yourself if you’re proud of yourself for taking that position. I always ask clients, “Is this something you’re OK with, or is this something you want to change?” If you rule out an entire group of people based on a factor like height, you are focusing on the wrong qualities. Judge on internal characteristics, not external ones.

4. Plans to have children. 

Men and women are making the conscious choice not to have children more than ever before. In the past, the very idea of not wanting children—especially for women—was perceived as freakish. Although the prejudice against people who don't want children is not as strong as it once was, it still endures. Many men and women find themselves on a date with a person who doesn't want children, and judge such an individual as "bad" or "selfish" because of it. One's decision to not have children shouldn't be judged; it should be accepted as a decision in line with that person's individual needs.

5. Religion.

Religious beliefs continue to be a major source of prejudice in and out of the dating realm. One client I worked with didn't include the fact that he is a practicing Catholic—attending church every week without fail—in his dating profiles for fear that others would forgo a date with him because of it. But instead of casting aside prospective dates because of their religion, why not have a dinner with them and ask them to share with you what they find fulfilling about their faith?

6. Weight. 

Obesity provokes such a powerful prejudice in the dating realm that we don’t need to spend much time reviewing it. We all know how overweight people are often treated. Dealing with a weight problem keeps many men and women from trying to date in the first place. After all, who would willingly subject themselves to a firing squad? Who wants to show up for a date and watch the other person’s eyes look them up and down in a negative way? My advice to men and women: Try to lose weight if it bothers you, then set up an honest dating profile with an honest photo so there are no surprises. Don’t let your weight, or other people’s problem with it, prevent you from sharing your life with someone special.

The Takeaway

The best thing any of us can do is to try to be aware of our own prejudices and to identify the prejudices of our dates when we see them. Ideally you will get to a place where you can rid yourself of generalizations about others and gravitate toward people who do the same. Remember, individuals with the healthiest self-esteem also have the most positive and accepting views of others.

Watch some of my videos on helpful self-improvement videos on a whole range of topics, check out my channel on YouTube with hundreds of videos, Dr. Seth: Psychologist.

Dealing with a Setback or a Really Hard Time? Your Morning Routine Matters More Than Ever!

As a psychologist for over 20 years, I can't emphasize enough how important morning routines are for your mental health and mindset. But when you are dealing with a life setback or a difficult time, being disciplined about a morning routine -- even if just to try it for a week or two -- is critical. 

Watch the video below where I share some examples about how you can set the stage in the morning for a  more positive day.

How Do You Know If You Need Therapy? Advice from a Psychologist!

This question is one of the most common questions people ask me as a clinical psychologist. Although everyone is different and has different circumstances, one important way to think about this question is to think about the frequency, intensity and duration of the symptoms you are dealing with. You could be feeling anxious, depressed, worried about a relationship, or any other number of symptoms. If you have been struggling with negative thoughts and feelings, and it has lasted for more than a few days, consider talking to a mental health professional. 

If you are having any thoughts about hurting yourself, call the National Suicide Lifeline in the United States by calling 988, or call emergency services outside the United States.

You can also check out the video below where I answer this question in greater depth!

What to Do When a Friend Asks You for a Favor You Really Don't Want to Do?

Friend of the podcast Jill drops by my podcast, Psyched! with Dr. Seth, to share a recent experience she had that upset her: a friend asked her to spend a day helping her clean out her garage -- and then move the contents of the garage to another garage!

What is the most important part is the reason Jill explains she said yes and ended up agreeing to do the favor. In short, she didn't do the favor for the right reason, and perhaps the friendship may suffer as a result of one friend pushes a boundary too far.

Check out the video and ask yourself what you would have done in the same situation!

Overcoming Imposter Syndrome: What Is it? What Are the Signs and Symptoms?

Imposter Syndrome is not a clinical disorder that is included in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (Fifth Edition), but it does refer to a psychological pattern that many people can certainly relate to. 

This syndrome refers to a persistent feeling that one is deficient in some critical way and that they may ultimately be 'found out' and exposed as a fraud. People may feel this way in a new role they're in (at work, for example, or with a promotion) or they may feel this way socially (feeling they don't fit in or somehow don't belong or measure up to others).

Social comparison - comparing oneself to others - is common for people who feel this way, but it is possible to overcome these feelings with work and increased self-awareness. Self-improvement is always possible, and I can explain in my new video how it works!

Watch my video here on my YouTube channel where I have hundreds of self-help videos!