Saturday, September 22, 2012
PARENTING TOPIC - Parenting: Never Compare Your Child to Another Child
One of the most tempting traps you can fall into when your child isn't doing what you want him or her to do is to compare your child to another child. Perhaps you're inclined to compare your child to another one of your children, or it could be to one of their cousins or another child at school. Examples: Why can't you just listen like like your brother? Your friend gets such good grades in school, so why can't you?
Please, please: Never, ever compare your child to anyone else. Comapring your child to another child is one of the most effective ways to shame them, and plant the seed in their head that they are somehow deficient or not good enough. Trust me: I spend hours each week with adults who were shamed - one way or another - as children, and it takes years to undo that kind of damage.
The next time you feel overwhelmed when your child isn't doing what you want him or her to do, immediately remove yourself from the situation, take three deep breaths, and engage in a different activity for five minutes that helps you unwind (e.g., take a walk around the block, call a friend, or step outside and stare at the sky). Whatever you do, don't compare your child to anyone else - or really, really try not to!