Dr. Seth Meyers, Clinical Psychologist

Dr. Seth Meyers, Clinical Psychologist

Wednesday, May 23, 2012

Never Compare Your Sex Life to Others'!

One of the main problems when it comes to sex is that people compare their own sex lives too much with the sex lives of others.

If you’re in a relationship, you and your partner will find the frequency that works for you. Many people don’t have sex that often but compare themselves to other couples who, they hear, may be having sex more frequently. “What’s wrong with us?” they often wonder. Nothing. Who said we’re supposed to be having sex all the time anyway? Aren’t we busy, tired, and working toward a hundred other goals?

I’ve never seen a truly asexual client, so my experience and training tell me that no one is truly asexual. But aside from that, there is a spectrum. Some people need sex several times per week, at least, while others are fine to go a few months.

Take the 1-10 scale, 10 being the most sexual, and each member of the couple EARLY IN THE RELATIONSHIP should say how sexual each of them is. Write it on a piece of paper so you don’t influence each other’s answers. This technique helps everyone to not take things personally if the other wants sex more, doesn’t want sex as much, etc.

My clients love the 1-10 technique and it saves some couple’s relationships. “Now, I know that she doesn’t like it as much because she’s more of a 6, and I’m unfortunately more of an 8," a given client will tell me. It's really that simple!

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