Dr. Seth Meyers, Clinical Psychologist

Dr. Seth Meyers, Clinical Psychologist

Thursday, February 9, 2012

Breaking Up: Come On, It's Not War In Afghanistan

You might think breaking up happily is impossible. You and others might think breaking up is necessarily awful and that breaking up smoothly is a ridiculous notion. The truth is that a successful breakup is possible as long as you keep the focus on a few factors.

Focus on the friendship.
This is challenging if your ex cheated on you or betrayed you in some other way, but focusing on the fact that the two of you were once true friends and allies will make breaking up easier. After all, the reality is that you once thought this person was pretty cool, and nothing has changed the essence of that person is.

Remind yourself that you'll find someone else.
One of the greatest causes of bitterness during and after a breakup is the unconcscious fear that you won't find someone else - or that it will take forever to do so. That's B.S. What you need to do is stay optimistic and future suitors will flock to you. Plus, let's be honest: You're pretty cute, and everyone around you knows it.

Put the loss in perspective.
Sure, the end of a relationship sucks. No one ever starts something with the intention for it to end. Have a pity party for yourself, cry for a few days straight if it helps, and then move on with some good goals to distract you and refocus your attention. The end of a relationship is painful, but it's not a terminal illness or a four-year stint at war in Afghanistan. Keeping things in perspective will drastically reduce your anger, frustration, and bitterness!

PLUS: Check out Dr. Seth's book, Dr. Seth's Love Prescription, about how to stop repeating the same negative patterns in your romantic relationships. (Click the book cover at the upper right to buy a copy today!)

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