Dr. Seth Meyers, Clinical Psychologist

Dr. Seth Meyers, Clinical Psychologist

Sunday, August 7, 2011

Sexual Insecurities: They Can Kill Your Relationship

I'm putting out an All-Points-Bulletin for those of you who have sexual insecurities: It's time to deal with them so that you don't ruin your romantic relationship.

Before I go further, let me be clear that everyone has some sort of sexual insecurity. For some, they might feel that they've gained a bit too much weight, while others might feel insecure about their ability to achieve an orgasm. Understandably, the human body is complex, and some of the running dialogue in your head during sex might make things more difficult. Yet when we're talking about the potential to destroy your relationship, we're talking about MAJOR sexual insecurities.

You might be surprised how many people don't have sex at all with their husband or wife - or, at least, do so very rarely - because of one sexual insecurity or another. For example, a man might feel so insecure about his inability to get an erection that he decides it's easier to avoid sex altogether. Similarly, a woman might feel that the effects of age or giving birth has changed her body and made it less attractive, so she may continually resist her husband's sexual advances.

Bottom line: To function as a happy and fulfilled couple, you should be engaging in some sort of sexual intimacy on a fairly regular basis - even if that's just once per month. Sure, if you're reaching your later years, you get a get-out-of-jail-free-card, but most people struggling with sexual problems in their relationships are much younger than that.

If you or your partner are prisoner to major sexual insecurities, the first thing you need to do is to have The Conversation. Do it in a relaxed environment so that neither of you feel stressed. Next, if the problem is yours, ask your partner how he or she has felt as a result, apologize, and make a commitment to change. If the problem is your partner's, explain how this has affected you and ask what your partner is willing to do to change.

Starting the dialogue is the most important behavior in the chain of behaviors that lead to change. Once you've started the conversation, ask a friend or your physician for a referral for couples therapy (if you have the money or the insurance required) or take yourself to the bookstore and search the self-help section for a good book. I can tell you that there are many good books out there, and one of them is Harville Hendrix' Getting the Love You Want.

Whatever you do, don't do NOTHING! You have to deal with your problems as an adult if you want to know
real happiness.

PLUS: Dr. Seth’s new book, Dr. Seth’s Love Prescription: Find the Love You Deserve, is about how to stop repeating bad patterns in your relationships. Dr. Seth shows you how to stop repeating these patterns: falling for people who are emotionally unavailable, unfaithful,or wounded souls who have tons of potential but are emotionally broken in some way. With an introduction by a # 1 New York Times Bestselling author, Dr. Seth's Love Prescription is available in bookstores or at Amazon.com.

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