Dr. Seth Meyers, Clinical Psychologist

Dr. Seth Meyers, Clinical Psychologist

Friday, July 30, 2010

What Makes Good Sex Good?

Sex is always about emotions. Good sex is about free emotions; bad sex is about blocked emotions. - Deepak Chopra

I must confess that I know little about Deepak Chopra, though I found this quote that I came across to be quite true. Let’s hope that someone who has become as successful as Deepak is has at least some wisdom, right?

If you think about some of the “good sex” that you’ve had, you were probably feeling extremely emotional at the time. For some people, good sex involves feeling deeply in love, while for others, it involves feeling wild, naughty, or even connecting with darker emotions surrounding dominance or submission fantasies. Regardless of which end of that spectrum your good sex would fall on, Deepak is right that all of these emotions signify emotional freedom. In other words, there is no one fixed way to have sex, so the consenting partners have a blank slate onto which they can create whatever they want. After a long week at work, the last thing anyone needs is one more experience in which they feel bored or unstimulated.

What Deepak says about bad sex is quite true, as well. If you think about some of the “bad sex” you’ve had, it’s probably because you were feeling emotionally disconnected, bored, or preoccupied. In other words, having an unsatisfying sexual experience suggests that you even though you were having sex, it’s not something that you truly wanted to do – it’s more like going through the motions.

In my practice with clients, I always encourage them to take their emotional temperature at the start of a sexual interaction. If you feel a little off that day and don’t really want to connect in that way with your partner, your date, whomever –make the conscious choice to not have sex.

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