Dr. Seth Meyers, Clinical Psychologist

Dr. Seth Meyers, Clinical Psychologist

Monday, August 31, 2009

Socializing Independent of Your Relationship

One of the most common pitfalls that strike couples is codependence – or the tendency to merge and lose each individual’s identity. Too often socializing separately generates anxiety and insecurities for one or both partners, so the couple often learns to avoid socializing with friends when the other partner isn’t there.

If you are in a relationship, it is critical that you regularly allow yourself to socialize with your friends by having a girls’ or guys’ night out. True, you probably love to spend time with your partner, but you can sometimes appreciate your partner even more if you let the relationship grow more independent legs.

Most importantly, you can often prevent yourself from losing yourself to your relationship as long as you are focusing on your needs and keeping in mind that you must still know how to function happily on your own even if you are in a romantic relationship. To take the accurate temperature of where you stand when it comes to this issue, ask a trusted friend whether he or she thinks you are truly balancing socializing together and socializing independently. Finally, have a conversation with your partner about this – you might be surprised by the discussion to follow!

1 comment:

leftfordeaddownunder said...

the issue i have is i am literally trapped in australia due to the family law act and cant go back to the states without a legal battle. i was in court over a year to relocate and my boyfriend in california pulled out of it saying he wasnt going to help me get out of australia to go home despite being here to witness the hell i went thru in court. he said it wasn't his problem right AT the point I had a chance to be heard and come home. yet he said we were in a serious relationship as 'life partners'. now he just spends his time with 'work colleagues' and others and plans nothing with me whilst i am stuck here. he has done nothing to plan for us to be together in california and won't even plan a 'date' with me that costs him nothing but a skype call. he puts everything and everyone in front of me. messaging them, emailing them. even his dog gets more time and pics on facebook. i never even got a real romantic date with him. he literally has gone out more with everyone he knows but me. yet, he is saying i am trying to smother him and he has to 'have a normal life' while i am trapped here so what is the big deal being with other women and men 99.9% of which I dont know. There is NO balance and he refuses to see it. The one time in 2.5 years i even went out he pestered me all night on sms then called at 6 am to be sure i was alone. I am in poverty with human rights violations down under and he just acts like it isnt anything to do with him but the court situation all came up after i got with him and it was 'allegedly serious' between us. there is no coupledom. and yet he says he loves me and can't understand my upset about anything at all. so how independent is a healthy relationship? I would have never left him for dead in another country watching him not have the means to even exist...and i never put everyone else over him at all times. ever. he even wished his internet radio station happy anniversary and birthday on facebook but never celebrated ours once in years and didnt say boo on my last birthday. he wont even talk to me on facebook, where he chased me down...go figure.