This week, The Oprah Winfrey Show had a couple days’ worth of focus on sex as she featured Chicago sex expert Dr. Laura Berman. Aside from my hunch that Oprah is rolling Dr. Berman out as the next star of the next Oprah-produced show, sex has been the focus because people are hungry for answers when it comes to sex. Oprah had another expert on one of those episodes who spoke about why passion dies after a while in most relationships – in essence, because passion is all about mystery and discovery.
I believe this conceptualization is far too simple – passion is more than that. In fact, there are many different types of passion. Typically, we think of passion as sexual, but what about emotional and intellectual passion? I always tell my single clients to find partners who share their interests and think in a similar way. In this way, you can discover each other emotionally and intellectually for the rest of your lives.
The first step to keeping passion alive is to accept that there are different kinds of passion. The next thing to do is to learn to share a common interest or activity – something that allows the two of you to explore the world together. Feeling emotionally and intellectually stimulated can really get you going, and you can transfer some of this energy into the sexual realm.
It’s also important to remember to be open-minded and flexible when it comes to sex in a relationship. Understand that there are no rules – every couple is different. For some couples, sex is one of the main ways they communicate. For these couples, they may have sex all the time and keep doing it for years. For others, they may connect more in other ways, so they may turn to sex as a means of connecting less often. There are no ‘shoulds’ when it comes to sex.
Finally, I would argue that a lull that goes on a little too long may signify some feelings of boredom. If this scenario describes you or your relationship, have an honest discussion with your partner. Ask your partner how he or she feels about your sex life, and share your feelings, too. Give your partner some ideas about things you’d like to try to bring a little romance back, and ask your partner if he or she has any ideas. By trial and error, try different things to see if any of them click. Remember that sex is a delicate topic so approach the issue with your partner gently and fairly!