Dr. Seth Meyers, Clinical Psychologist

Dr. Seth Meyers, Clinical Psychologist

Tuesday, January 13, 2009

Her Greatest Dating Pet Peeve Is…

A good friend of mine, Sandra, is single and looking. She’d love to meet a guy who has his life together and can make an important addition to her life. I can assuredly tell you that Sandra is a great catch – sweet, warm, and funny. She has no problem attracting men though she has a tough time finding a man to whom she is sexually and emotionally attracted.

My friend set 2009 as the year she was going to meet someone great, and I’m confident this will happen. In talking with her about dating, Sandra told me what she does and does not like in a man. She also went a step further and told me her turn-ons and turn-offs when she first meets a guy.

Her greatest dating pet peeve is a man who uses a “line” to snag her like a wiggling fish looking for a sip of water. She told me one of the lines that turned her off the most: “Do you have a quarter? I told my mom I’d give her a call the moment I found the woman I‘m going to marry.” I don’t know who said this, but I think he might have a career as a writer of romantic cards or screenplays for a Lifetime television movie.

My friend Sandra’s point is that she gets turned off by men who come on to her as if being slick is somehow attractive. In lieu of this silly, gamey behavior, she prefers a man to approach her and say something genuine. After all, she explains, it’s a not a tight rope course – it’s just an introduction.

Sandra’s feedback is important, I think, because it reminds us that coming across as down-to-earth and real are the real gems – these are the traits that are attractive in the beginning and over the long haul. Regardless of whether you are a man or a woman looking for love, don’t let yourself fall into trying too hard. The only thing you should really need to say to connect with someone is “hello” and you can offer a simple smile. If there’s chemistry, there will be no need for silly, gamey lines.

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