Dr. Seth Meyers, Clinical Psychologist

Dr. Seth Meyers, Clinical Psychologist

Friday, October 3, 2008

Part1: 10 Dating Do's

It may sound like a cliche or something that belongs in the pages of a teenage tabloid, but the truth is that it never hurts to keep in mind just how tricky the art of dating is. Many people swear off dating and wait for "the one" because the dating experience can be so uncomfortable. Others thrive on dating, and go on several dates per week in an almost manic quest to find someone. Regardless of your own personal feeling about dating - because everyone has one- I believe that dating is difficult. In fact, it's risky business. Dating can result in hurt feelings and vulnerability, and there are no promises or guarantees.

For this reason, take a look below at 10 simple things I've suggested to do when you're on a date with someone new.

1. Try to be yourself. Don't fall into the rut of trying to impress anyone.
2. Be honest. When you reveal things about your life and history, don't embellish. There's no need to be dishonest. Things you embellish may come back to haunt you if the relationship continues.
3. Ask your date questions about himself or herself. Don't talk about yourself more than you let your date talk about himself or herself.
4. During your date, be thinking about emotional compatibility. Get a sense of his or her sense of humor - does it jive with yours? Does he or she seem less, equally, or more sensitive than you? Trust me that these variables matter the most in the end.
5. Allow a little vulnerability to show. People are drawn to others who are accessible because they feel they can relate to them. Most people struggle with some insecurities - there's no need to appear invincible.
6. When deciding where to go for your dates, suggest places but decide together. This sounds easy enough, but it's easy to focus on what you want.
7. Keep your eye on the ball. As you approach dating, come up with two or three of the most important factors you are looking for in a partner.
8. Hold your horses on the sexual front. You want to know a little about someone before you invest in them emotionally, and the truth is that sex kicks up powerful feelings.
9. Compliment the person you're dating. Anyone can say "You look nice" but make an effort to notice something more meaningful about his or her personality.
10. Relax and enjoy it. View dating an opportunity not simply to get to know someone else but also as an opportunity to get to know yourself better.

Keeping these tips in mind will make dating a more pleasant and meaningful experience.