Dr. Seth Meyers, Clinical Psychologist

Dr. Seth Meyers, Clinical Psychologist

Wednesday, August 20, 2008

Knowing When To End Your Romantic Relationship

Hands down, this must be one of the most difficult areas in navigating a romantic relationship. Everyone starts their relationship with such promise. The beginning of a relationship is an incredibly special time. No one has yet been hurt and lust and laughter fill the air between the two of you.

Unfortunately, many relationships that begin also end. Some people are better at knowing when to say goodbye than others. I'm thinking of Mary-Chapin Carpentar's song in which she sings: "And you pretend, and I pretend that everything is fine,
and though we should be at an end, it's so hard admittin' when it's quittin' time." It sounds like she may have had a little difficulty in this area, too.

How well you handle the loss of a relationship is largely about how strong you feel on your own, as well as how much you believe you will find someone else in the future. For those of you who have a terrible time letting go, it may be a life-long journey to learn how to let go of something you love or loved.

Letting go and and loss are two essential elements of life. When things get bad in your relationship and they are broken beyond repair, you know because you are always unhappy. A good thing to do if you are questioning whether it's time to go is to get some feedback from a friend. Ask your friend what he or she thinks about the state of your relationship. A lot of times we can't see ourselves objectively, but those who know us best can.

Another thing you can do to get support in determining whether you need to end your relationship is to take some time alone. I can't tell you how many times I have encouraged my clients to take a day or two off and spend it alone in order to get clarity on an issue. Whether you simply take a long walk in a park or take a weekend by yourself somewhere, make sure to find a quiet place so you can get back in touch with yourself. A lot of times peace and quiet will bring you the clarity you need.

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