Dr. Seth Meyers, Clinical Psychologist

Dr. Seth Meyers, Clinical Psychologist

Sunday, August 10, 2008

First Date Tips:Part One

This is the first in a series of four essays on "First Date Tips." This series will be interesting and fun, and it will offer you invaluable information you need to have a successful first date.

Part One's focus is on expectations. Ask yourself what your expectations are prior to your first date, and you will be more successful for doing so. Here are some questions to think about:

1. Am I expecting the date to turn into a relationship?
2. Am I focusing on what I am looking for in a partner, rather than what my date
thinks of me?
3. Am I being careful not to divulge too much personal information too soon?
4. Do I expect to be liked?
5. Do I expect my date to be kind?

These are just a few of the countless questions you could ask yourself as you get ready for a first date. These questions can be a good guide in terms of things to think about. Let's break down each question and I will share my thoughts on each.

1. Never expect a date to be anything more than a date. Hoping is fine, but
expecting will get you into trouble. Relax. It's just a date.
2. Dating can be hard because it brings out our worst insecurities if we let it. One
of the biggest problems people have with dating is the tendency to focus more on
whether their date likes them instead of whether they are interested in their
dates. Make a list prior to your date of qualities you are looking for in a
boyfriend or girlfriend, and keep this list in mind when you are out with your
date. Call it a test or whatever you will, but who you seek as a partner is
important!
3. Don't divulge too much too soon. Strike a balance of sharing some details of your
life and leaving some to be discovered if you give your date the chance to get to
know you better in the future.
4. Understand when you walk into a first date that you know little or nothing about
the person you are going out with. Remember that you have no idea if this person
has a set type or what they are looking for in a partner. Dating is all about
the mixture, the way the two ingredients interact. You can't expect to be
disliked and you can't expect to be liked. If your date is a good mix with you,
you will most definitely be liked!
5. Never expect anything from a date. Your date could treat people, including you,
wonderfully or horribly. You have to hope that your date practices human
kindness and respects people in his or her social interactions. Again, it's fine
to hope but do not expect. Expectations can cause you to feel badly afterward if
things don't work out.

These tips about expectations should help make part of the dating experience more positive. Be on the lookout for the next three essays on "First Date Tips" in the next few days.

1 comment:

Phillip said...

I think your tips are right on! Time and time again I hear from my clients (I am therapist too) - how they put so much pressure on dating and the first date- it would be hard for many people to live up to these types of expectations!! And, like you say- relax- a date IS just a date. I think they are actually meant to make life more fun! This list would be helpful for someone who hasn't dated for a long time and they are good reminders for those who have!