What Does a Trauma Bond Do to a Person's Confidence?

Watch my video on this topic on my YouTube channel, Dr. Seth: Psychologist -- or check out hundreds of other self-help videos I have!

First, what is a trauma bond? This term was described in the late 1990s by Patrick Carnes, Ph.D., who is known as an expert in the field of counselor education and addiction counseling.

Carnes described a trauma bond as a dysfunctional emotional attachment that an abuse victim develops with their abuser — expertise in counselor education and addiction counseling.

How does a trauma bond relate to confidence? It relates in an important way: A trauma bond is a relationship in which you often doubt yourself — your thoughts, your feelings; you question yourself. The intermittent reinforcement can make you question what’s real and what you can trust.

And trust in yourself is the foundation of confidence. You need to trust yourself in order to feel truly confident.

Sometimes, a person in an unhealthy or even abusive relationship starts to get a little stronger, starts to see things more clearly, starts to get a little more confident.

Guess what can happen: The other person who exploits you in the traumatic attachment relationship sees you getting more confident and feels threatened — why?

Because they fear if you get too strong, you might leave them. And then they start an exploitative or abusive cycle all over again to keep you down, and your confidence is chipped away again.

It can be very hard to develop real confidence when you are in a relationship that keeps you down.

And aside from keeping yourself safe, what helps people in this situation is to continue to get educated about trauma bonds and dysfunctional attachment — so you can plant the seeds to start growing real confidence.

Watch my video on this topic on my YouTube channel, Dr. Seth: Psychologist -- or check out hundreds of other self-help videos I have!