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Mama's Boys Make Great Friends, But Bad Husbands

A budding romance holds the promise of wonderful things: real intimacy, steady companionship, and the end of loneliness that many singles feel until they make that ultimate connection. Yet one reality that haunts far too many relationships is an enmeshed relationship between a grown man and his mother, a dynamic that is captured in the vernacular with the term "Mama's boy."

A romantic relationship is doomed to suffer if a new husband relies too heavily on his mother for anything, whether it is money, approval or emotional support. Inevitably, she becomes triangulated into the relationship between the couple and becomes the object of razor-sharp resentment from the wife.

Yet the very women who later clench their teeth in bitterness at the mother who gets too close and the husband who can't let her go often see the warning signs of the dysfunctional codependent mother-son relationship in the dating process. In other words, the mother-son relationship doesn't become dysfunctional after the marriage; it is strong enough to survive - and, in some cases, outlast - the marriage.

Here are some warning signs that the man you're dating or married to is a Mama's boy:

You can't say anything even slightly negative about his mother; his mother can do no wrong; he can't say "no" to his mother; he avoids confrontation with her at all costs but has no problem getting angry with you; you feel that, if there were a problem between you and his mother, that he would side with and defend her instead of you.

If you're single and looking, watch out for the warning signs. If you're in the dating stage with one of these men, you need to have some honest conversations: first, with yourself, as you consider whether this trait is a deal-breaker; second, with him, as you communicate that he needs to prioritize you over his mother at this point in your lives.

Finally, if you are already knee-deep in a relationship with a Mama's boy and have accumulated resentment toward his mother and him, as a result, you need to accept that this dynamic won't change much and learn to not take it personally. Ultimately, the fact that a man is a Mama's boy doesn't mean you should end the relationship; it just means that he is a man with limitations.

PLUS: Check out Dr. Seth's book, Dr. Seth's Love Prescription, today about how to stop repeating the same negative patterns in your romantic relationships today. (Click the book cover at the upper right to buy a copy today!)

Demi Moore: Dating Another Young Man?

Oh, no, the tabloids are full of speculation that Demi Moore is doing it again with another man many years her junior, namely one who is 26 years old. Please, no, Demi!

As a rule, finding yourself in love with one person who is far outside of your age range can be okay as long as they match you in the most important ways: similar interests, goals, and values. But to make it a pattern? Not so great because the odds are against the relationship really working well over the long haul.

From People.com:

Has Demi Moore found a new guy -- or is she just intensifying her workout?

The actress, 49, was spotted Saturday in L.A. with Blake Corl-Baietti, a 26-year-old California personal trainer who also models.

In a 2009 profile on the modeling web site One Model Place, Corl-Baietti says, "As far as my interests are concerned, I am as renaissance as it gets. I love anything outdoors, learning as much as I can, and [ gaining] any kind of life experience possible."

Describing himself as "fun-loving" and "honest," Corl-Baietti also says that he "PROUDLY [serves] in the California National Guard and am in college pursuing a degree in kinesiology."

Moore, who recently told Harper's Bazaar that she worries that she's "not worthy of being loved," has maintained a low profile since splitting from husband Ashton Kutcher, 33, in November.

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Demi Moore Fears She's Unlovable

In an interview published in the new February issue of Harper's Bazaar, Demi Moore gets real and openly discusses some personal feelings that most people would only share with a best friend. As a clinician who is far too familiar with the stigma associated with sharing vulnerabilities and admitting deep shortcomings and fears, I commend Ms. Moore for her openness. In being so open and honest, she sends a we're-all-sisters message to regular folks who struggle with some of the same basic self-esteem issues in their own lives.

"What scares me is that I'm going to ultimately find out at the end of my life that I'm really not lovable, that I'm not worthy of being loved. That there's something fundamentally wrong with me...and that I wasn't wanted here in the first place," Ms. Moore shared in the interview.

While many readers will hear such comments and focus on their surprise that someone so wealthy and beautiful can feel so insecure or desperate, the truth is that her comments aren't that unusual or unfamiliar: many of us have had the exact same feelings at some point in our lives.

With celebrities, however, their fears and insecurities are sometimes more extreme because everything about them is more extreme: their beauty, their wealth, the roller-coaster nature of their lives that get lived out in front of the cameras. As celebrities live their lives publicly, they feed our human need to have objects we can simultaneously envy and criticize.

For regular folks, the takeaway is that it's perfectly normal to occasionally doubt yourself or succumb to hopeless feelings regarding your own lovability - particularly if you just ended a long-term relationship, as Ms. Moore recently did.

Even more importantly, individuals who feel similarly should assess how long the insecure feelings have lasted, and determine whether the feelings have become more of a pattern - in other words, they keep coming back. If you continue to reenact such insecurities in one relationship after another, your problem isn't situational; instead, the problem is more of an identity issue, meaning that you have come to see yourself in a seriously distorted way and must seriously work on your issues in order for the feelings to go away for good.

The good news for someone such as Demi Moore is that she has the financial resources to get educated about any psychological issues she may have, and to seek whatever treatment may be helpful. Most women, on the other hand, aren't so lucky.

For women out there who can relate to the sad but authentic feelings Ms. Moore shared in her interview, don't convince yourself that you need to be wealthy to get the help you need to improve your self-esteem. Check out your local bookstore and scour free resources online, and you'll see that you can start improving your self-esteem today.

PLUS: Check out Dr. Seth's book, Dr. Seth's Love Prescription, today about how to stop repeating the same negative patterns in your romantic relationships today. (Click the book cover at the upper right to buy a copy today!)

Kirstie Alley Wants to Date Ugly Men

Kirstie Alley is a bit of a freak, and I love me a good freak. They have a way of making life a little more interesting, don't they?

Well, since Ms. Alley's (hardcore) weight loss, she's now open to dating and she says in a recent article that she is willing and able to take on ugly men.

From People magazine:

Kirstie Alley said she's going to start dating "butt-ugly men" on an episode of The Ellen DeGeneres Show airing Friday.

When asked about her dating life by Ellen, Alley, 60, admitted she usually goes for "psychos" and "players," so the host suggested she try going with the opposite of what she's attracted to.

"I'm thinking ugly men might be the solution," the Dancing with the Stars alum responded. "I'm talking about butt ugly. Because I go for really handsome men and I think butt ugly would be appreciative."


My verdict? Good for her. People care way too much about appearance anyhow - ahem, please overlook my own occasional spray tan and teeth-whitening. I promise I have depth, dammit!

Stop Comparing Your Sex Life to Others'!

One of the main problems when it comes to sex is that people compare their own sex lives too much with the sex lives of others.

If you’re in a relationship, you and your partner will find the frequency that works for you. Many people don’t have sex that often but compare themselves to other couples who, they hear, may be having sex more frequently. “What’s wrong with us?” they often wonder. Nothing. Who said we’re supposed to be having sex all the time anyway? Aren’t we busy, tired, and working toward a hundred other goals?

I’ve never seen a truly asexual client, so my experience and training tell me that no one is truly asexual. But aside from that, there is a spectrum. Some people need sex several times per week, at least, while others are fine to go a few months.

Take the 1-10 scale, 10 being the most sexual, and each member of the couple EARLY IN THE RELATIONSHIP should say how sexual each of them is. Write it on a piece of paper so you don’t influence each other’s answers. This technique helps everyone to not take things personally if the other wants sex more, doesn’t want sex as much, etc.

My clients love the 1-10 technique and it saves some couple’s relationships. “Now, I know that she doesn’t like it as much because she’s more of a 6, and I’m unfortunately more of an 8," a given client will tell me. It's really that simple!

Aretha Franklin Gets Engaged!

As life expectancy grows, we are seeing more couple get married into their 70s, 80s, and even 90s. Aretha Franklin, age 69, is a terrific example that male and female seniors still have the urge to formalize their relationship with a marriage certificate. It’s not a total surprise that older couples would choose to get married as the reasons why people get married have changed over the years.

In the past, getting married was largely to legitimate having children. Yet according to a 2005 statistic, only 41% of married couples had children. This shows that more and more couples are choosing to get married and to not have children. Because fertility now plays less of a role in marriage, it’s not surprising that older couples are getting married more than ever.

Does it make sense? If people marry for love, it makes sense. But couples should be careful when tying the knot about finances. Wills should be drawn up, discussed with existing family members, and should not be made impulsively!