Thought-Provoking BUMPER STICKER

This week, I saw a bumper sticker that was hard to forget.

"It will be a great day when our schools have all money they need, and our Air Force has to have a bakesale to buy a bomb."

Too many wars, no doubt. Thank goodness for the troops that protect us, but it's too bad that so many financial cuts are made to mental health, education, and art-related services. Pray, people, for better days!

PLUS: In Dr. Seth's new book, Dr. Seth's Love Prescription: Find the Love You Deserve (available at Amazon.com or in stores at Borders and Barnes and Noble), he shows you how to stop repeating bad patterns in your romantic relationships. If you or someone you know keeps going for the wrong types of people and seems stuck on this awful hamster wheel, pick up a copy of Dr. Seth's Love Prescription today.

Hey, Complaining is a Virtue!

Anyone who knows me knows that I’m no pessimist. I believe that people are inherently good, that life is full of possibilities in tandem with hard work, and that sending kindness out to the universe brings it – and a host of other goodies – back to you in spades. But I’m also a realist, and advocate that people get real with themselves and the lives they’re living.

Far too often, people walk through life half-asleep, accepting mediocrity in their work, love lives, and even friendships. Too often, people feel afraid to look honestly at the things and people in their lives for fear of upsetting the status quo. My point: taking a razor-sharp lens to your life and start seriously complaining about the things that aren’t working are Step One in the course of getting what you want and deserve.

Complaints, the way you may imgaine them, are pointless. Perhaps you conjure Woody Allen whining in any number of films, wasting away with thoughts of what could be or could have been, sucked into meaningless attempts to notice the bad while simultaneously shutting out the good. But complaints are only the first part; the second is taking action.

One of the things that inevitably sends me into a tizzy - not a squeezing-hamsters'-heads-off tizzy but, you know, your average tizzy - is a preternaturally chin-up attitude, someone who can't ever say anything negative about anyone or anything. I say, “Wow, it’s gross outside, cold and rainy.” The provocateur, “No, we need the rain, and I love the fresh air.” Oh, give me a break. Life is hard, and the more complex you are and the deeper you think about your life and the world around you, the more taxing life can be. Now, before you write me off as the most morose or twisted therapist you’ve come across, make sure you get what I’m really saying: Life isn’t bad but it is a mixed bag – and sometimes it’s a really mixed bag.

The motto I use in my own life and with my clients in my private practice is simple: notice – or complain about – what’s broken in you, your life, and your relationships, and then set a firecracker under your you-know-what and do something about it, for crying out loud! Whatever you do, don’t let yourself fall victim to an eternal glass-is-half full attitude because you’ll be fooling yourself and setting yourself up to fail. Life is too short, and the possibilities are too exciting and far too rich, for you to try to convince yourself that everything is A-okay all the time.

Each day, take your emotional temperature and notice how you feel. When the same negative feelings about the same people or things keep popping up, your instincts are telling you that something’s wrong. When this happens, start complaining and hear your own voice remind you that it’s time to make a change. If you don’t, I’ll be the first person to start complaining.

PLUS: In Dr. Seth's new book, Dr. Seth's Love Prescription: Find the Love You Deserve (available at Amazon.com or in stores at Borders and Barnes and Noble), he shows you how to stop repeating bad patterns in your romantic relationships. If you or someone you know keeps going for the wrong types of people and seems stuck on this awful hamster wheel, pick up a copy of Dr. Seth's Love Prescription today.

Dating: How to Annoy a Man

Earlier this week, I talked about the little things that annoy women in the crazy circus of dating – and it sure can be a circus. But what about what annoys the guys? I can assure you that there are few behaviors that undoubtedly annoy men in the early stages of dating. So, be mindful when you’re dating to not push the buttons that will send him off like a Fed-Ex package never to be seen again!

There are a few questions women often ask in the early stages of dating that leave a bad taste in the mouths of men, a taste that’s like putting spinach, vinegar, and the tiny rocks found on a long, winding dirt road together and gingerly placing them on the tongue to savor. Got the picture now?

One of these questions involves asking questions about what he does for a living, but not for the sake of getting to know him better, but to…you guessed it…find out how much money he makes. Watch out for this one, because men often interpret this question as your attempt to figure out a) how much he’s willing to pay for, and b) how comfortable he is being the financial provider in the relationship. I always tell my clients that they must walk into a relationship with the expectation that they will be an equal financial provider, though this may change, of course, over time.

Another question that often annoys men on dates involves broaching the subjects of having children. Come on, this really shouldn’t be discussed until you know the guy well enough that you have the feeling that you might be interested in one day having children with him! Bringing up this subject too early means that you may as well introduce yourself in the following way: “Hi, I’m Sally, and you look like one hell of a sperm donor. Maybe later you could meet my eggs?” Early in dating, don’t ask questions about marriage and children – it’s just too much, and it backfires like an old car abandoned on someone’s broken-down lawn.

The other behavior that I need to highlight in discussing what annoys men in dating involves women looking to guys to make them feel pretty. Hey, there’s nothing wrong with wanting to feel like a sexpot: everybody secretly wants to be swathed in compliments. But my male clients often report that they feel like the women they date are often fishing for compliments or, worse, need constant validation that they look okay or aren’t too fat. This kind of behavior puts men off because men, just like women, are basically looking for the same thing: a confident, strong person who is already happy on their own!

The next time you’re out on a date, think about how you are coming across, and remember to focus on making a friend first, rather than interviewing a candidate for a relationship. And, if you truly must conduct an interview, please remember to do it subtly and to avoid the common missteps I mention above!

PLUS: In Dr. Seth's new book, Dr. Seth's Love Prescription (available at Amazon.com or in stores at Borders and Barnes and Noble), he shows you how to stop repeating bad patterns in your romantic relationships. If you or someone you know keeps going for the wrong types of people and seems stuck on this awful hamster wheel, pick up a copy of Dr. Seth's Love Prescription today.

Dating: How to Annoy a Woman

Okay, let's not make this more complicated than it is: There are a few sure-fire ways to annoy a woman you're on a date with, and I don't recommend that you try any of them.

One of the most consistent reports that I get from female clients who are testing dating waters is that men only seem to talk about themselves. These men would rather answer questions about their lives and talk about what they're doing than take the time to verbally show some interest in the women sitting across from them at the dinner table.

The reality - whether you like it or not - is that we're all little babies deep down, overgrown children who still want and need attention. I don't fault anyone for it, because it's human nature to respond when someone shows interest in you. The problem develops when you're not reciprocating!

Whether you are a man or a woman, make an effort to be aware of your behavior the next time you are on date. Make sure that you take the time to ask your date about what's going on in his or her life, and really listen to the responses. Ask questions about interests and hobbies, rather than the all-too-predictable questions about professional status which ultimately reflect a hidden agenda to find out how much money he or she makes.

At the end of the day, you will have the greatest romantic success when you start displaying compassion and good social skills - and giving your date room to talk, too, is Social Skill # 1 that everyone should already have mastered!

PLUS: In Dr. Seth's new book, Dr. Seth's Love Prescription (available at Amazon.com or in stores at Borders and Barnes and Noble), he shows you how to stop repeating bad patterns in your romantic relationships. If you or someone you know keeps going for the wrong types of people and seems stuck on this awful hamster wheel, pick up a copy of Dr. Seth's Love Prescription today.

Loving An Addict Is A B*tch

Dealing with the addiction of a loved one can be one of the most difficult experiences a person could have. Often, there is little that you can do other than offer support and let your loved know that you're there if and when he or she needs you.

In a word, addiction is ugly. It has many faces and constantly changes. In 12 step groups, they say that addiction is "cunning and baffling." Addicts say this because its cunning quality is often what leads the addict to relapse. I believe that addiction is equally cunning for the loved ones.

The loved ones watch the addict's personality change and experience first-hand a host of lies and manipulations. Melody Beattie wrote an incredibly important book called "Codependent No More" which describes what can happen to the loved one of an addict. Simply put, they can lose themselves if they try to rescue the addict.

The truth is that there is little you can do when you believe that your loved one has become addicted to something. First, confide in the addict your observations and share your belief that something is going on. Second, let the addict know that you are there to offer support and to help the addict find the clinical support he or she may need. Third and finally, detach a little.

Addiction is a juggernaut and can devestate the spirit and integrity of individuals, relationships, and everything else in its path. Find a good book on addiction today so that you can start coming to grips with what to expect. Whatever you do, understand that there is ultimately nothing you can do to save the person from the pain of their addiction - only the addict has that power.

PLUS: In Dr. Seth's new book, Dr. Seth's Love Prescription (available at Amazon.com or in stores at Borders and Barnes and Noble), he shows you how to stop repeating bad patterns in your romantic relationships - and one of those in falling in love with emotionally wounded or addicted individuals. If you or someone you know keeps going for the wrong types of people and seems stuck on this awful hamster wheel, pick up a copy of Dr. Seth's Love Prescription today.

Dr. Seth on Couples Fighting

As quoted in AOL's MyDaily:

Seth Meyers, author of "Dr. Seth's Love Prescription", says couples who tend to argue almost as an intellectual form of sparring aren't necessarily unhealthy. "When it gets unhealthy is when the arguments become personal and one or both members of the couple feel attacked, criticized, or not supported," he says.

PLUS: In Dr. Seth's new book, Dr. Seth's Love Prescription (available at Amazon.com or in stores at Borders and Barnes and Noble), he shows you how to stop repeating bad patterns in your romantic relationships. If you or someone you know keeps going for the wrong types of people and seems stuck in this vicious cycle, pick up a copy of Dr. Seth's Love Prescription today.

Mardi Gras in New Orleans: It's All About Repression

You think Las Vegas is debaucherous? I have two words for you: New Orleans. Better yet: Mardi Gras.

This past weekend, I went to New Orleans for the first time. What a magical city! Soul and music lurk around every corner, and the old sections of the city ooze of history and culture. But Mardi Gras is something else!

Simply put, I've never seen people so drunk in my entire life - and baby has been around the block. Men and women hobbled arm in arm down the sidewalks, one holding another up after too many shots or beers purchased from vendors set up right on the street. My thoughts as I witnessed the drunken stupors of individuals age 16 to 70 were less judgmental than analytical - I actually wondered what the degree of excess really meant.

Clearly, thousands of Mardi Gras participants felt the need to let loose, and to do so in a really big, 3-D sort of way. And I'm not just talking about drinking. In fact, every other person seemed to smoke a cigarette (sadly, mself included), puffs of marijuana were never more than a car length away, and people showed their private parts for a simple strand of beads thrown over balconies on Bourbon Street. If you haven't ever seen Mardi Gras, trust me: you've never seen people let go like this.

Witnessing the debauchery, I thought about how repressed everyone must be in their predictable daily lives back at home. Millions sit in office cublicles while they crunch numbers or review endless reports, while countless others spend their time on projects that never render much appreciation at all from bosses who far out-earn them.

Ultimately, it occured to me that the debauchery I witnessed wasn't that strange, after all. It makes sense, when you think about it in perspective, that people need to pop the cork on the repression that rules their usual lives and truly let go on vacation. Until I attended my first Mardi Gras, I just never knew how much.

PLUS: In Dr. Seth's new book, Dr. Seth's Love Prescription (available at Amazon.com or in stores at Borders and Barnes and Noble), he shows you how to stop repeating bad patterns in your romantic relationships. If you or someone you know keeps going for the wrong types of people and seems stuck in this vicious cycle, pick up a copy of Dr. Seth's Love Prescription today.

Teenage Drinking: Talk to Your Kids Today!

According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, the rates of high schoolers drinking alcohol is high – higher than you might expect. According to the survey in Morbidity and Mortality Weekly Report (59, 39, 1274-9), 42% have had at least one alcoholic beverage in the past 30 days. Yikes, that pretty high. If you’re a parent, do you think that your high school child might be one of those?

Here’s what’s most disturbing about the study: the rate of binge drinking among high schoolers. Binge drinking is defined as consuming five or more alcoholic drinks within a two-hour period in the past 30 days. According to the survey, 24% of high schoolers binge drink. For parents, this must be a major concern.

There are countless reasons why parents don’t want their high school children to drink alcohol- they’re so obvious that we don’t need to review them here. Yet parents must be sure to address the issue with their children. One of the best things that a parent can do is to make themselves available in the case that their child is ever in a social situation in which drinking or drug use is going on, and their child feels uncomfortable. Be sure to let your child know that he or she can call you anytime and that you will come to pick him or her up.

In such situations, it’s important for parents to remember to be allies – rather than punitive parents – because coming down on your children too hard can actually cause them to act out even more!

PLUS: In Dr. Seth's new book, Dr. Seth's Love Prescription (available at Amazon.com or in stores at Borders and Barnes and Noble), he shows you how to stop repeating bad patterns in your romantic relationships. If you or someone you know keeps going for the wrong types of people and seems stuck in this vicious cycle, pick up a copy of Dr. Seth's Love Prescription today.